How to be Awesome

What's up fags? Class1ck here to tell you about how to become an Online Superstar, E-thug, and Interwebs Champion all rolled into one giant mass of kickass. Also known as me. The first step is you need a name that strikes fear into your e-foes AND makes everyone who sees it contemplate suicide over how shitty theirs is in comparison. Take my name for example, not only does it imply that I am SO good that I'm now a classic, a legend it also has a number in it and the addition of a k. These are crucial because they let everyone know that you know your fucking internets. Now lets give it a try, we'll start with something incomprehensible yet has connotations of being badass. Like, CUNT PUNCHER. See, that's a perfect start; everyone hates cunts and everyone loves punching stuff they hate. It's like putter butter and jelly, it's CLASS1CK! But we're not done yet, like I said it needs some internet flair, like: KUNT PUNCH3R. See now you're ready to go out and pwn some faggots.

Next you have to establish that you are indeed the ruler of the game you play. To do this is simple, the first time a 14 year old kid says something( and this happens alot) you immediately begin to ream him mercilessly. The transcript of your conversation should read something like this:

14 year old bitch: Hey guys I'm new to this game and I was wondering if anyone could help me?
You: Shutup jewfag, what are you like fucking four? Have your balls dropped yet bitch? Have they? Huh bitch? HUH?
14 year old bitch: Uhh, I'm fourteen. I just want some help in playing the game...
You: Whatever cuntbunches, you're just a little bitch who's balls haven't dropped. You want some help heres my suggestion, kill yourself now. In a fire.
14 year old bitch: ...what? Why are you so mean?
You: Because you fucking fail at life!! No seriously though go into your kitchen, grab a knife, and slit your wrists. Down the road not across the street you queer!
14 year old bitch: I just want to know how to play the game!
You: JUST HIT ALT-F4 FOR GOD-MODE!

Yeah, that bitch got shown what's up. See, one key thing you have to remeber when insulting someone online is that you need to combine a racial slur with a swear word at least once. Think of it like a game, the more racial slurs you mix with swear words the higher your score. At e-life.

The next step is you need to realize that you don't need friends. Why? Because you're better then them. Now I'm not saying you can't have cohorts, those are fine because they're beneath you, less then. Start off slow, by getting rid of your real life friends. This one is a no brainer because if you're off in real life doing stuff then you're not online advancing your e-self. The next part is a bit tougher because invariably you'll make friends online and as I've said you can't have friends because that means that you're not better then them. How do you fix though? Simple, you just constantly berate them whenever you see them online. Call them your bitch, tell them how horrible they are at the game, let them know that because of them you guys lost the game, and don't ever let them forget that they're indebted to you because you let them play with you. Basically make them into spineless yes-men and pariahs for your own enjoyment.

Well this concludes part one of the only article you're ever going to need in your life.